L's bright, blistered, painful, embarrassing plan
by Loves-Chihuahuas
Summary: Light comes to HQ and is... spanked? No slash, not perverted. Rated T for spanking. Everyone plays there part in this. FEAR L'S HAND OF DOOM AND STINGINESS!


Title: L's bright, blistered, painful, embarrassing plan

Genre: Ummmm, I'd have to say Humor/Hurt/Comfort

Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note, nor do I own a Mustang .

Important Notes: Light does know that he is Kira, and Ryuk is off finding apples at the beginning.

Warning: Contains spankage of Kira suspect(Light)! No slash, not perverted. Just plain old, blow-snot- out-of-you- nose funny crap that spewed out of my weird little mind….And, for Light's sake, it is a bit angsty…but funny! Enjoy! Oh, and forgive me for misspellings. Ah rn't uh jeniouous. -_Snorts-_

A ….Spanking for Kira?

L sat in his chair in his usual position, glancing over at the monitor to see that Light, aka Kira, was indeed on time. "Alright, everyone," he stated calmly, "He has just arrived and will walk through that door in 40 seconds and counting. Remember to stay calm and play your part, especially you Matsuda."

20 seconds to go and Matsuda grabbed Mr. Yagami's collar and squeaked, "You sure this is okay with you, sir? I mean, he might put up a fight, and if it comes to your turn, you might get a hit from him…"

"Ten seconds," L droned, "And Matsuda, we already discussed that there is a 78.6% chance that Light-kun will put up a struggle." Matsuda gulped and went to stand at his position by the couch.

The door to the team's work room opened, and Light breezed in, his customary smile in place. "Hello everyone." He greeted as normally, though he did not get a normal reception; no one looked up from what they were doing , as if they couldn't hear him.

"Ooookaaaay then…" Light muttered, going over to sit down in his chair. Before he could sit, however, he felt a hand grab hold of his left arm. He looked down in surprise to see that not only had L of all people latched on to his arm, but the panda detective was actually sitting like a normal person, which, for some reason, made Light feel distinctly as though something very bad was about to happen.

"Uh, L," Light asked unsurely, "Why do you have a hold on my arm?"

L said nothing, and Light, upon glancing around, saw that no one was paying them any attention. While Light was preoccupied looking around the room, L turned his chair around to face away from the computer and swiped a foot under Light's legs, causing him to fall, as planned, stomach-down onto L's lap.

"Wha-what are you doing!?" Light squawked at the unpleasant situation he now found himself in. He tried to get off L's lap(that sounds weird), only to be restrained by L's surprisingly stronger arms around Light's waist and legs.

"Light-kun," L asked in his monotone as Light continued to wriggle, "Do you still insist that you are not the first Kira?"

"Wha-what-why are you-yes! I am not Kira!" Light sputtered, wondering just what in the heck was going on.

"Are you sure that is the answer you wish to say?" L asked grimly, suddenly taking hold of the waistband of Light's pants.

Light felt L grab his waistband, and said quite loudly in a panicky voice, "Yes! I am _not Kira!_ And what in the world are you doing to me?! Yo-you're acting as if you're going to spank me or something!"

L said placidly, "Why, yes I am Light." Light stopped squirming and lay there in shock for a moment. He felt the need to move quite violently, however, when he felt the removal of his trousers (that's a fun word!).

Light started to thrash around violently, but L was a heck of a lot stronger than he looked and held him easily in place. "S-Stop it L! This isn't funny!" he yelled angrily, "Dad! Dad! Make L stop it, he's being all creepy! Dad!" But Mr. Yagami did not turn from his paperwork, nor did any of the investigation team act as if they heard, even though Light's voice could be heard in the hallway.

"This is being done for the good of humanity," L stated solemly as he raised his hand, "I would rather not do this, you are my friend…. Will you admit to being Kira?"

"No I am not Ki-wait! _Are you doing this because you think I'm Kira_!?" Light screamed at L. L, taking Light's response as a 'no', proceeded to bring down his pale hand onto the unsuspecting backside of Light. A resounding 'SMACK' reverberated through the room, and Matsuda shivered.

Light yelped at the unexpected pain, as he had never been spanked before, and for a moment was glad that everyone in the room couldn't see or hear them-wait. Oh. No. Light realized just as his second spank came down onto his boxers that the others _knew_ what going on here, and if they knew, then they were in on L's twisted little plan. He was surprised to find a little tingling in his eyes as he realized this, but was soon distracted by yet another spank.

Light couldn't help it; he yelped out like a kicked puppy (Aww, sad) yet again. L raised his hand again, then asked in the same monotone, "Light-kun, are you ready to admit to being the first Kira, or shall we continue this spanking? I have much practice from attending to three other delinquents in my life."_… some where in England in an orphanage, Matt, Mello, and Near all protectively covered their behinds, then shuddered collectively(FEAR L'S HAND OF DOOM!!!!!!!!!!! MUAHAHAHSHSA!)._

Light kicked out to no avail, and answered sourly, "Not a chance! I am not Ki-" 'SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACKKKKKKKKKK…' Light yowled out , but resolved to not tell them he was Kira no matter what… and to not cry.

"Are you Kira?" L would ask after every few spanks.

"NO!" Light would reply obstinately, only to be followed by a quick spank. They repeated this pattern for a good ten minutes, which seemed to be an eternity to Light.

"Are you Kira?"

"NO!"

'SMACK!'

"Are you Kira?"

"NO!"

'SMACK!'

"Are you Kira?"

"NO!"

'SMACK!'

"Are you Kira?"

"NO!"

'SMACK!'

"Oww! Ow! Please just stop it you pervert!" Light screamed, reduced to begging, though it was laced with insults.

L replied remorselessly, "You know that what I am doing is not at all perverted. I will gladly stop if you admit to being the first Kira…?"

"Never!" Light hissed, and then cringed, expecting another blow to come- except it didn't. Light blinked, and tried to look up at L, only to hear L sigh with…was that regret?... and release Light from his lap.

Light, not expecting to be released, toppled to the floor in a heap, landing on his very red bottom in the process. "Ouch!" He hissed between his teeth as his eyes smarted, though not spilling over. He suddenly felt L pick him partially off the floor from under his armpits and position him so he sat on the floor facing the wall nearest L's computer.

Light blinked in surprise, then thought incredulously to himself, "_Am I being put in time-out?"_ He tried to look over at L, but the detective suddenly swatted Light's bottom, and though it didn't hurt as much as when he was on L's lap, it did illicit a yelp of pain.

"You will sit there and not say a word, or else you will be spanked," L told Light as if he were discussing the weather, "You will not move a muscle, even to pull up your pants, or you will be spanked. Stay there like that until I come to get you…or you will be spanked." L moved back over to his computer chair and started typing away, leaving L sitting faintly shocked, staring at the plain white wall in front of him. His mind whirred, trying to figure out what was going to happen next, and how he could get out of this without admitting he was Kira.

From Light's calculations, he sat facing the wall for about five minutes before he chanced a glance over at L. This was met, however, with the super-human speed of L's hand. Needless to say, Light did not move again until L came over to him ten minutes later (that put him in his place! Hahahaha).

"Light, stay where you are, but you may now speak." L told Light.

"WHAT WAS ALL THAT ABOUT!?" Light managed to scream without moving a muscle.

L sighed and then answered, "Light-kun, I thought you were smarter than this. You were in time-out. Isn't it obvious?"

Light growled under his breath for a moment, and asked L in a controlled vice, "Is this over now? Can I get back to work?"

"That all depends, Light-kun. Are you Kira?"

Light growled again, and answered venomously, "_No!_ I am not Kira!"

L sighed, and said a little sadly, "Then this is not over with yet- Mogi!" He called. Light inhaled sharply, hoping that what he thought was going to happen wouldn't. It was in vain though.

Light felt two large hands lift him easily off the floor and was carried as if he were a sack of yams(Potatoes are boring!). He looked nervously over his shoulder at the large figure of Mogi, and found that the officer was not even looking at him. Light was carried over to the couch on the other side of the room where Matsuda was sitting on the right arm, reading a report.

Mogi sat down on the middle cushion of the couch, and positioned Light on his lap so he was facing away from Matsuda.

"Light," Mogi asked in his low, serious voice, "Are you Kira?"

"No, I am not Kira." Light intoned in what he hoped was an emotionless voice, because at that moment he was close to crying in fear of Mogi's strength.

"SMACK!" The spanking went just as it did when L's spanked him, except it was worse for two reasons:

L was Light's friend and close to his age, while Mogi was practically a stranger and much older and bigger than him.

Mogi's spanks hurt much worse than L's did!

Light was feeling like he was going to go insane by the time Mogi stopped spanking him, though he was proud that he had yet to cry. Light expected to be put in time-out again, and so was quite surprised when he was handed off to someone else.

Light looked up to see who his next spanker would be, mentally telling himself that it was unfair to not be able to have a time-out to cool off his poor bottom, and was shocked for the umpteenth time that day. A sad looking Matsuda was holding Light under the arm pits. Light's mind went blank. They were going to have _Matsuda _spank him!?

'_Sure'_, Light thought as Matsuda sat down in an armchair facing a wall and positioned Light on his lap, '_Matsuda is, like, five or so years older than me, but he is a pansy! I will not be spanked by him of all people! I can get him to let me go!' _Light suddenly bucked on Matsuda's lap, trying his hardest to escape, kicking and flailing his arms, anything short of biting the poor officer. Matsuda, however, restrained Light (Must be police training or something) and _-"_Youch!" Light yelled, not expecting to be spanked so soon, let alone by Matsuda.

"Light-kun," Matsuda asked in a hard voice, "Are you Kira?"

Light, for all of his bravado, all of his manly pride, all of his exploits as Kira, was hurt by Matsuda's tone of voice.

Light fought his tears back, and answered clearly, though weakly, "N-no! I am not Kira…"

"SMACK!"

"Light-kun! Are you Kira!?"

"No! I'm not, I'm not…"

"SMACK!"

A few spanks later, Light was on the verge of tears, though he thought he could hold out.

He felt Matsuda move a little closer, and heard Matsuda whisper to him as he pulled down Light's boxers, "I'm sorry Light…."

"SMMMMAAAACCCKKKK!!!!!!!"

Oh my freaking sweet ice cream! It hurt so much worse without his boxers on! Matsuda continued his spanking and questioning, and after a few minutes, leaned down again to Light and whispered, "Light… Your dad will spank you next…"

'_No,'_ Light thought to himself, feeling fear and embarrassment color his face, _'No! Anyone but Dad…no..no…." _Something inside him seemed to crack, then break, releasing a floodgate of tears and emotion.

"Waahhhhh….waaahhh…p-please, Matsuda, p-p-please, I'm not Kira, p-please, waaahhh ahhhhh…!" Light finally cried, tears spilling over face and onto Matsuda's pants "Waahhhh… please wahhhh…"

Suddenly, the spanking stopped, and Light felt a hand rubbing his back comfortingly, causing Light, for reasons unknown to him, to sob even harder, even as he heard Matsuda say thickly(i.e., in tears as well), "I's alright, Light-kun, You're not Kira, It's alright."

Light was pulled off of Matsuda's lap, his boxers and pants restored with a large yelp and more crying from Light as the fabric scraped over his poor, blistered bottom. Some one sat him down carefully on the couch and pulled him into a hug. He felt someone else hug the other side of him. As his crying slowed, Light became aware that he would like to know who was hugging him, and first looked to his side, seeing a teary-eyed and apologetic Matsuda, and upon looking up, saw L looking down at Light with a small, though relieved looking, smile on his normally emotionless face.

"Wh-what..?" Light tried to ask coherently through his still trickling tears.

"You passed, Light." L stated simply. At Light's still confused and hurt stare, he elaborated, "I and the team designed this to try and make you confess to being Kira. You would be passed for brutal spankings from me, to Mogi, to Matsuda, to your father, to Awiza, then back around the circle until you confessed."

"Bu-but, how did I pass?" Light asked weakly, beyond caring that he was snuggled up to two of his attackers.

L smiled a little wider, and stated, "There would be two outcomes of this- one, you would admit to being Kira, since you eventually would if you were, or two, you would break down, showing true emotions of abandonment, embarrassment, and hurt in that you were telling the truth. You can tell a lot about a person in the way they take a spanking." Light just hiccupped and decided it was alright that he was confused, since he got out of admitting he was Kira. He allowed himself to be cuddled, telling himself that he was not turning into a pansy like Matsuda, who was still hugging Light and apologizing.

"We will never speak of this again." L stated as everyone went back to work besides the three on the couch. "And Light-kun will wash his face and then nap on the couch, if he likes." L told Light.

"…In a few minutes." Light said, still not caring about being embarrassed as he received another hug-sandwich.

…..Later That Evening….

Light lay in bed, on his side of course, his embarrassment catching up with him. "I can't believe they did that…" He mumbled to himself in the dark room, his face heating up as he remembered how he had allowed himself to be comforted by L and Matsuda for nearly a half hour, then taken a nap on the couch….. oh, and how Matsuda had a big wet spot of his pants (haha, looked like he peed himself) and L had a matching one on his chest from Light crying like a baby.

"Well, " Light said to himself, "At least they said they'd never talk about it again… But, I wonder where Ryuk is? He's been missing all day-"

"No I haven't" A voice said loudly next to his ear, making him let out a strangled yelp, expecting to be spanked again, only to find something much worse- a smiling and snickering shinigami.

"What do you mean, no you haven't" Light demanded in a whisper, as the rest of the house was sleeping.

Ryuk chuckled darkly, and answered in a voice that suggested weeks, if not months, of ridicule, "I have been with you almost all day… I went to find apples, and came to headquarters just as that L fellow was puling down your pants…hyuck, hyuck!"

'W-what!? I didn't see you anywhere!?" Light whisper-yelled.

Ryuk laughed loudly, and said, "I stayed out of your line of vision, idiot! You should have seen your face when L put you in time-out! Hahahah, and then when Mogi's first spank hit, you looked like you were going to scream like a little girl! Muhhaahahahah! B-but the best part was when Matsuda bared you bubble butt and then you bawled like a baby! Ahahahah!" Ryuk rolled around through the air, laughing his head off while Light silently drew the covers over his head and promised the shinigami wouldn't eat apples for as long as he lived.

END

Author's Notes:Hey, thanks for reading! Please R&R!

Oh, and I might post alternate endings to this as different chapters, and a little more of Ryuk… I don't know about you, but I laughed my head off as I wrote this! Though, I did feel a little sorry for Light.


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